Behind the Scenes

I fell right into the trap I warned everybody about – artists and fans don’t sit at the same table. I’m known for giving the best dating advice but when it comes to me, zero of it is applied. I let  you say what I wanted to hear, and god only knows, how I really wanted it to be true. I caged the common sense that screamed how stupid I was and let myself float in those little white  lies; I tasted every word wishing that it meant so much more than what it actually did.

That’s my biggest flaw: I get attached too easily and always think it’s love when I know it will  never be, or if it comes to that it will always be one sided. How can you fall for someone you  will never be sure to know because people are so easy to lead on everyone? Because people are so good pleasing everyone without even meaning a single word.

The more I shielded you, the weaker I got. The more I praised you, the more uninteresting I  became. The more I gave, the less I got. Because in the end was I really everything you told me  I was? Or was I just another name on that contact list?

Tell me: what goes through your mind whenever you see my name if it goes anything. Who am  I kidding? Maybe I if had to ask you my name you wouldn’t know, but they all do. They all  remember me today and they will remember tomorrow … and all I wanted was them to be  you. They all are everything everyone could wish for, but not I.

The thing is: would you trust your life to a killer? Would you trust a house full of golden jewelry to a thief? You wouldn’t. So how am I supposed to trust my heart to someone who’s paid to  fake emotions and play someone else? How am I supposed to believe in someone who’s too  good at being whatever people needs them to be? I can’t.

And that’s why stories like ours are only for books and movies, because that’s the only place  where the happy ending will be possible. Real life is never pleasant, much less for people who  are walking on parallels lines, never bound to cross, just meant to leave a mark along the way.

In the end you are my most treasured secret, the story every single fan of yours dreams to live, the most beloved adventure I’ll never live again, the main character of my books. You are that  person I will tell me grandchildren about, that immature love that only a naive and hopeless  heart could feel, that unpleasant pleasure that I should not want but always felt hungry for.

In the end you are still there dealing with the flashes, in the end I am still here in the back of  every room proudly supporting you.

In the end it will always be you, I and the almost us.

Image By, Pablo Picasso, “La Vie” (Cleveland Museum of Art)